We’re all faced with stressful situations, whether once in a blue moon or on a daily basis, but it’s knowing how to deal with pressures and maintain a healthy balance.
The five complex belief systems called “Drivers”, create behavioural habits that we all utilise to deal with the challenges or stress in our life. Many of these habits are useful when well moderated, but counterproductive when less well controlled and even the basis for major personality disorders when fear allows them to become too extreme.
Stress is defined as an internal pressure that is generated by external factors that make us feel “under threat”. This creates rapid physiological changes in the reptilian brain known as the amygdala, leading to the primal fight or flight defence mechanism kicking in. We can either fight the stress or withdraw from it until we can return to a more balanced state. The workplace is a major component for stress generation as we are continually asked to reach deadlines, cope with ever increasing workloads, as well as working effectively in teams for maximum output.
New workplace statistics show the average person works five times as much as they did 30 years ago with up to 90% of the population know suffering with insomnia and sleep deprivation as a consequence. We work on average 46 hours a week with continued job insecurity due to technological advancement and access to cheap labour. It is believed 1 in 4 students are now on some form of prescription medication to cope with the stresses at university to realise their personal desires and fulfil parental hopes for them. Poor dysfunctional coping mechanisms like using alcohol, drugs, sex and gambling are on the rise as society and the workplace demand more and more from the individual.
CBT is a very effective method to evaluate the factors creating the stresses by creating a structured treatment plan to cope better with the stresses. The first session assesses the underlying personality type and drivers that are forming the internal and external conflicts
Personality variables would be areas like.
- Achievement striving and approval seeking
- Multi-tasking skills and time management
- Lack of recuperation and time for relaxation
- Poor interpersonal skills creating hostility and isolation
- Poor self esteem
These variables can contribute to high arousal and an accumulation of internal pressures if they are not addressed effectively. Within the next few sessions we would identify the negative through patterns and belief creating the underlying faulty thinking and resultant behaviour. Some of the techniques we use are as follows:
They are used to test thoughts and monitor maladaptive behaviour. They test ideas of perfectionism and inflated responsibility .They examine controllability of thoughts, overestimation of threat and intolerance to uncertainty
Keeping a record, mentally or written down, of concrete pieces of evidence for and against negative thoughts can help a client come up with more balanced perspective to supported healthier thoughts
Pleasant activity scheduling:
The idea is to schedule of daily activity that you enjoy and may not normally do. It can be simple or more complex – from reading a chapter in a novel to making a nice dinner. Another method of this is to schedule an activity a day that gives you a sense of mastery, competence, or accomplishment.
Situation exposure hierarchies:
In this method a client put things they normally avoid on a list, such as distressing situations and experiences which lead to the problem behaviour wanting resolution. Your client rates these on a level of distress scale and how likely the maladaptive behaviour will present itself. You then work through the list from lowest to highest, exposing the client gradually and safely to these situations, increasing their capacity to deal with the distress without using the defensive behaviour as a means for coping.
Mediation and Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the primary acceptance strategy in CBT. It would allow a client to address parts of his emotional experience that cannot be directly changed, like many of the spontaneous sensations, feelings, urges and thoughts that arise within the depression. This would allow Steve to soften the experience, by adjusting the intensity enabling him to sit more easily with fixed emotional patterns as they run their course.
Clients can learn to modify these deeply held beliefs which will lead to a change in behaviour and a hopefully improved well-being. Helping our clients develop better tools and awareness will allow them to highlight the external factors and internal beliefs causing them stress, leading to a reduction in arousal levels, mitigating the intensity of the stress and the chances for relapse. Let us help you and give you the tools to not just survive under stressful situations, but to thrive and create a positive well-being.
We’re not here to judge your level of stress, but we are offering to help teach you to control it. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org today, we’re here to help.
Although there is no set formula to help you be the best you can in life, Dr. Chérie Carter-Scott’s rules for being human convey a universal wisdom that, once understood and embraced, can contribute to meaningful relationships with ourselves and others, at work and at home.
You will receive a body. You may love it or hate it, but it will be yours for the duration of your life on Earth.
You will be presented with lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called ‘life.’ Each day in this school you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or hate them, but you have designed them as part of your curriculum.
There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of experimentation, a series of trials, errors, and occasional victories. The failed experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that work.
A lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons will be repeated to you in various forms until you have learned them. When you have learned them, you can then go on to the next lesson.
Learning does not end. There is no part of life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
‘There’ is no better than ‘here’. When your ‘there’ has become a ‘here,’ you will simply obtain a ‘there’ that will look better to you than your present ‘here’.
Others are only mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you.
Your answers lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.
You will forget all of this at birth. You can remember it if you want by unravelling the double helix of inner knowing.
Reference: Dr. Chérie Carter-Scott, from “If Life is a Game, These are the Rules“
There is no set formula, hard and fast rule, or ‘key’ to a successful relationship.
What works for one couple may be disastrous for another. For example, whilst some partners are blissfully happy living in an alpha-beta relationship, other couples may find that unison and harmony is only achievable through an utterly equal partnership.
Just as we are all unique, so too are our relationships. There is no ‘ideal’ relationship framework. No ‘one size fits-all.’
Is there even such a thing as a ‘perfect’ relationship? We highly doubt it. When Shakespeare observed that “the course of true love never did run smooth”, would he have predicted for a second that his statement would resonate and remain as poignant as ever for 21st century coupling?
Honest love is by no means easy. And sometimes, with the best of intentions and purest of feelings for our partner, we end up fighting. It could start off as the odd bicker now and again over something so small and petty you forget what it was the next day. But before long, the little fights develop into bigger ones, and you start doubting the love you hold for that person.
It’s at that moment, when you might consider couples therapy.
At Amida Life coach we believe that as with a lot of life-dilemmas, but especially those concerning the person you love, identifying that there actually is a problem in the first instance is vital for the sake of both your own and your partner’s well-being.
Perhaps you think of couples therapy as something for other partners in crisis, but not for you. You might feel intimidated, nervous, ashamed, or a combination of all three. But you absolutely shouldn’t, and neither should your partner. Couples therapy is not a taboo subject; on the contrary, it is widely accepted as being an asset to the stability and growth of modern relationships.
More and more studies are proving that counselling from a professional psychotherapist can vastly improve the quality of relationships on the precipice of a breakdown. Not only that but relationship therapy with the right therapist could help rebuild and nurture the bond between a couple, allowing the couple to be honest and frank with one another in a safe and confidential environment.
If you have any questions about couples therapy and would like to talk to us in the comfort of your own home, get in touch today, we’re here to help. Contact Amida at email@example.com for more information and find out how couples therapy can make your relationship strong again.
I don’t know how many times I have asked myself that question. I would not be surprised if you are asking similar questions now. I went through a lot of attempts to solve my own problems myself as I thought it was weak and shameful to ask for help.
I wish I had the strength and knowledge I have now to rebuke these ideas and notions. Going to see a life coach was the best decision I ever made. They helped me grow spiritually, personally and created a foundation to explore my fears and desires.
I was struggling with a break up of a long-term relationship, which left me disorientated and helpless. Having an “enlightened” witness to listen to, interpret and challenge my thinking allowed me to understand my thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
With deep exploration and a structured plan, I was able to understand my unconscious choices and drives, allowing me to work through negative thinking forms, resulting in increased confidence and better relationships.
My own therapy and coaching has inspired me to train as a coach, a therapist and a spiritual practitioner offering varied platforms to support clients to move forward in all aspects of their lives.
With all the current turmoil and upheaval in the world today, we may become anxious or resistant to change. Here are my 6 tips to embrace change
- Reduce expectations.
We may need to re-evaluate expectations, and don’t expect or demand a particular outcomes; we learn to lessen our grip and attachment to these desired outcomes, becoming more open to other possibilities. With healthier expectations of life we are less likely to meet with loss, disappointment, and pain.
- Acknowledge change.
We learn learning change can happen quickly where things can and will be different from how they are now. Healthy change is allowing it to happen when it unfolds instead of approaching change from a place of denial and resistance.
- Accept change.
I desperately tried to prevent and stop change from happening in my work life and personal relationships, prolonging the inevitable by burying my head in the sand. I have learned Change encouraged transformation and growth, which when embraced allow us to make positive shifts and adjustments for a more fulfilling life.
- Learn from the experience.
If we accept and embrace change, we will start looking for and finding lessons from it. Once we can reflect upon the new experiences change has created, we can develop and see profound shifts in our lives. Change can be our greatest teacher, but only if we give ourselves permission to learn from it.
- Recognise you’re growing stronger.
When you accept, embrace, and learn from change, we inevitably grow stronger. The ability to continuously accept change creates a stronger foundation where we can adjust to the ever shifting social dynamics, financial burdens and political problems all around us.
- Embrace the wisdom.
Embracing change will bring newfound strength and more inner peace, more calmness and develop courage. We you will reach a level of understanding in life with a new cultivated wisdom which can embrace and accept change.