The label people pleasing may be one worn like a badge of honour, a flattering self-description and attribute admired by members of society.However; one can be addicted to the approval of others and looking for self-worth through others, sacrificing their needs in exchange for approval.There are a number of vulnerabilities as a people pleaser, that open you up to manipulation as to successfully keep gaining acceptance one needs to avoid criticism, rejection and abandonment at all costs.
If you fear conflict, confrontation and anger, any form of intimidation, be it a raised voice or show of anger, may coerce you back to seeking approval and compliance. With a need to avoid negative emotions, one’s ability to understand, process and deal with negative emotions becomes diminished. Depression for instance can be seen as anger turned inward with an inability to communicate and confront another person directly in order to reach a resolution. Saying NO may generate levels of guilt and anxiety, as any form of denial or confrontation, may elicit the angry responses you anticipate. As you continue to accommodate and comply to other people needs, the less clear your identity becomes, feeling invisible, unrecognised and able to change the circumstances. People pleasing creates an external locus of control , where a general view that things happen to you ,under the control of others or factors outside of themselves . At Amida therapy we will work with you, to start identifying your needs and increase your emotional awareness of these needs. With the use of tools and techniques ,we can start to develop healthier ways to self soothe and communicate, by setting boundaries around our needs.
In a modern society, with all its deadlines, rules and expectations, we will inevitably come across the angry boss or workmate.Unfortunately we do not have the luxury of picking who we work with, leaving us upon to manipulation and abuse. Does your boss exhibit any of the following traits?
- A grandiose sense of self, their uniqueness, and importance
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, and brilliance, without any thoughts for others as they attempt to fulfill these dreams
- Exhibitionism requiring constant attention and admiration
- Cool indifference to any forms of criticism, resulting in an uncontrolled rage, shaming or humiliation of others.
- A sense of entitlement, interpersonal exploitation of others and a lack of understanding and empathy.
If your Boss shows any of these signs you may be dealing with a narcissist, who is hypervigilant, paranoid and untrustworthy, treating people as objects to fulfill his needs and supply. We need to keep a careful track and monitor their actions and behaviours, as they may flip on a dime, creating unease, discomfort, and chaos in a working environment. Do you feel intimidated, like you are walking on eggshells constantly changing your behaviour to accommodate or avoid the rage of your boss?. At Amida life coach we can help you to understand the dynamics and emotions of such a person, as we introduce tools and techniques to support you, increasing your awareness around yourself and how to set boundaries
A spiritual awakening reveals many illusions, false beliefs and conditioning regarding our feeling of independence and uniqueness..
we have a multitude of choices , free will and we do things to own fruition. As we begin to look deeper, beyond the realms of the ego, we realise our own existence is dependent on all kinds of things, like the air we breathe, the supply of money and access to water. We are dependent and entwined within a complex system of laws, social constructs and a collective unconsciousness, working beyond our awareness.
Our childhoodexperiences, attachments and ways of relating create a framework for how a person interacts, survives and flourishes in society, as an adult. Thissense of self,defines our values, identity, beliefs and underlying thought processes. We unknowingly surround ourselves with thick walls, keeping us safe, but in a rigid zone of limited thinking, away from our creative source of infinite possibilities. Tomove beyond our comfort zones, we must embrace our courage and face our fears, to learn to cope with feelings of anxiety, disorientation and uncertainty.
These walls and blind spots reduce a person’s independence, creative energy and personal autonomy. We can’t access opportunities we are unwilling to see or believe in, creating a small mental equivalence. We retreat to an ego, an inauthentic self, forcontinued guidance, there to reinforce and protect the original script. With the help of a spiritual teacher, we can burn away a lot of the ego, helping us move into new realms of connection, authenticity and truth. Through the use of meditation, affirmations and prayer, we strengthen our connection to source, opening up new channels for creativity, joy and love. We start to be who we truly are, understand why we are here and start to live a life of fulfilment and meaning.
More than 50,000 people today are running the Virgin London Marathon, grinding the city of London to a halt. Every runner will have their own reasons to take part in this world iconic race, whether they’re competing as a professional runner, fulfilling a life-long ambition or running for charity – each person will have that burning drive to keep going, through the pain and exhaustion, after all, there are few things in life more satisfying than beating a personal goal.
We’re not suggesting that each person reading this post should enter the ballot for next years London Marathon, but by doing an activity to raise your heart rate and increase the number of breaths you take, will certainly give you a spring in your step.
What is wellbeing? The World Health Organisation defines mental health as, “a state of well-being in which every individual realizes his or her own potential, can cope with the normal stresses of life, can work productively and fruitfully, and is able to make a contribution to her or his community.”
The NHS suggests “Evidence shows that there is a link between being physically active and good mental wellbeing. Being active doesn’t mean you need to spend hours in the gym, if that doesn’t appeal to you. Find physical activities that you enjoy and think about how to fit more of them into your daily life.” It also suggests that “Adults aged 19 and over should do at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic activity – such as fast walking or cycling – a week.”
The benefits to physical activity are incredible. Not only will you improve your blood pressure, keep your joints, bones and heart healthy, but just as importantly your mental health wellbeing should benefit. It’s important to do something that you will enjoy. To continue an activity, it should never feel like a chore. Whether you enjoy walking, yoga, swimming, or playing a sport as part of a team – it’s an excellent way to let off steam and get those endorphins flowing!
It’s important to note that we all experience negative emotions and have to deal with many of life’s challenges such as grief, loss, or failure. By taking part in physical activity does not give a cure to negative feelings or means being happy all the time, however, whatever your age, being active can help you to lead a mentally and physically healthier life.
So enjoy your day, step out into the sunshine and take advantage of your surroundings.
For more advice and information on mental health wellbeing, contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org